Persistent vs. Pushy

There is a fine line between persistent vs pushy when it comes to trying to date someone.  It doesn't take much to cross that line. Sometimes the difference is how comfortable you make that other person while you pursue them.  Here is just one example of crossing that line.

I received messages for a guy, we will call him Ray, on an online dating site.  He seemed ok, in the military, lives in a town near by, getting ready to go back to school.  So I gave him my phone number to talk and get to know each other more.  He talks about getting together and hanging out.    Then he sends me nude photos via text.  Thanks buddy for clearly showing me exactly what you are looking for.  I'm not so sure I want to hang out with you now. I proceed to kindly tell him that clearly he is looking for something much different than I am, thanks but no thanks. 

So he apologizes and asks if we can get together.  I'm very hesitant at this point.  Lets face it I haven't been on "first dates" in years due to being in long term relationships so of course I'm nervous.  Most of the time I've just met men in bars and talked to them or ended up dating people I've known.  So I tell him that I'm a bit nervous and wanting to take things slow as I'm very new to the dating scene.  He asks if I will meet him one day for coffee.  Ok still hesitating but tell him I will check my schedule. 

Now Thursday roles around and he asks for my plans for the weekend.  I tell him that I am booked for the entire weekend but maybe Monday or Tuesday I will check my schedule and get back to him. 

Friday night he texts me and asks what I am up to.  I let him know I'm out with college friends for a drink.  He tells me how he is bored and out at the bar alone and I should come meet him.  I tell him I am not able as I am out with friends I haven't seen in a long time. 

Saturday morning he texts me and asks what I am doing and can we meet.  .  I tell him I can't today I have plans I'm pretty swamped all day.  I go on a fantastic lunch date with a guy (that I will blog about later).  Then go to West Chester University to see a Christmas show.  Again he begins to text me Saturday night while I am at the show.  He asks what I am doing and says lets meet up.  I've told him I was going to see the show with a friend earlier in the week.  I tell him I can't I'm out with a friend seeing a show and I wont be able to text as the show is about to start.  He says have fun.  Later that evening after the show he continues to text me asking me to meet up after the show.  I tell him I can't due to being at the cast party with friends.  Ok now he's just starting to annoy me.  I told you I was busy this weekend and you bug me several times a day to hang out. 

Sunday clearly the pattern continues of asking and me explaining how busy I am but that I would check my schedule for Monday or Tuesday.  At this point I really don't even want to meet with this guy as he is already annoying me and not making a good first impression and I haven't even met him yet. 

Monday I told him I would not be able to meet but I'd check to see about possibly Tuesday afternoon.  Of course he continued to text me over and over again on Monday to ask me to hang out after I said I couldn't. 

Tuesday morning he sends me a text saying hi.  I was in the middle of my workout so I didn't text him back right away.  Once I respond saying hello.  He asks if we are meeting I tell him I have a few things to do but that we should be able to meet for coffee in the afternoon.  Getting a little tired of repeating myself with my schedule as well.  And I am not a fan of pushy men.  The next text I receive is this "Okay just to let you know you are not a reliable person.  I would like for you to delete my number."  So I just respond with a simple, "Sorry you feel that way I said I was busy good luck to you.".  Then he said, "I don't need luck, I am sure you do need it. Sorry."

Well I deleted his number and did not respond to his last message.  I don't need to respond because clearly he wont get it.  I'd rather he go be pushy and bug some other single chick.  Cause this single chick doesn't mind a guy being persistent but can't stand pushy.  And there is by far a fine line when it comes to dating and this guy crossed it over and over again.

The start of new things

Ok this whole blogging thing is totally new for me.  A good friend suggested it and I figured why not give it a shot.  Let me first tell you a little something about me.  I'm 32 year old chick from Pennsylvania. I've recently been laid off from my job where I worked in Human Resources and am currently searching for new positions.  Although today I'm spending the day on hold with unemployment.  But none of that is really the fun stuff in my life. 

I'm pretty much what you could call a serial monogamist.  I date men for long periods of time (usually about 2 years some longer some shorter) and then go on these single binges.  Well I broke up with the most recent bf over the summer.  I spent a few months being single recycling old bf's for sport (that's a blog for another day) and focusing on my work and working out in my free time. 

This week I decided it was time to get back out there and start dating again.  Not really getting into anything serious but at least opening the door and checking out my options.  So I decided to check out online dating.  I've done this in the past and had my fair share of interesting experiences.  From meeting men who look nothing like their picture (only to find out it was taken in 1998) to men who automatically think it's a good idea to send nude photos to a girl you've had 1 email conversation with or ask me for nude photos.  I'm no prude and enjoy a good time but really at least attempt to make a girl feel good about herself and not a total whore before pulling that move. Also, be sure it's worth flaunting before you send it out there because if it's not well let's just say me and my girlfriends will get a good laugh over drinks and your photos. 

Anyway, I'm kind of in the mood to dating for sport so figured using a free dating site was the way to go. Don't get me wrong I am eventually looking for "the one" but why not have a little fun while looking too. So I signed up and within 5 mins of my application being completed and 1 photo uploaded I had about 20 emails.  Woo hoo what a way to boost a girls ego and make her feel better.  Some no interest in at all.  But hey that's not different from the bar scene.  So I have started weeding through chatting with a few of them and in classic DB fashion had 2 send me nude photos.  I didn't even ask or prompt or give any reason for them to be sent.  Didn't even ask for a photo let alone a nude one.  Yet these are the same guys who want to meet that night.  Ok buddy if I want to get some action with a stranger I can walk up the bar get loaded and meet a perfectly acceptable guy there.  What makes you think this is a turn on?  Plus it totally comes off as your just looking for a one night stand.  Here's a tip men: you can get a chick to have sex with you (it's not as hard as you make it out to be) but at least make her feel like you might want to sleep with her again.  She'll probably put out faster if she thinks your interested in at least regular bootie calls not just that night.  I'm just saying girls like to feel wanted and needed. 

So stay tuned for more if you want to see what happens in the life of this single girl. 

BTW totally been on hold for an hour now with unemployment..UGH!!!!